Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
