saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
