it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
