My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
