Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
