i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
