Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
