you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
