The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
