lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
