Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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