Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
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Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
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He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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