We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
