cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
