shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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