We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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