I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
