I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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