Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
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If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
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Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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