$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I need to stop coming to work sober
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
