this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
