if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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