If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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