He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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