Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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