Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
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