My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
