I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
