David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
