My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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