Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She told me I should be a condom model.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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