I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I faked an abortion last night.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
