sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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