Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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