my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
