I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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