Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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