If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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