Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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