It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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