I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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