More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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