You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
