she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
he had hair everywhere except his balls
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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