Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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