I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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