But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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