She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
