I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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