Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
