Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
