you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
