They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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