There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
