counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
