I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
