Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
