im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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