So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
