Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
