found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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