i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize