Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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