Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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