I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
